Engineer point of view

Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along
yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman
rode up on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes
and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice - the
clothes probably wouldn't have fit anyway."

--- Understanding Engineers - Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist,
the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice
as big as it needs to be.


--- Understanding Engineers - Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning
for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have
been waiting for 15 minutes."
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen
such ineptitude."
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's
have a word with him."
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse
from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free
anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a
special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do
for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"


--- Understanding Engineers - Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and
Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build
targets.



--- Understanding Engineers - Five

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


--- Understanding Engineers - Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing
the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all
the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The
nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who
else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational
area?"



--- Understanding Engineers - Seven
"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Engineers believe that, "If it ain't broke, it doesn't have
enough features yet."


--- Understanding Engineers - Eight

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing
whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a
mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a
solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
"Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you
can go to the office and get some work done."


--- Understanding Engineers - Nine

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called
out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a
beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn
me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for
one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it
and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put
it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you
I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week
and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time
for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."


--- Understanding Engineers - Ten

A systems engineer, mechanical engineer and a software
engineer are in a car careening down a mountain road without
brakes. The driver is furiously pumping the pedal while he
steers the speeding car around the treacherous turns -
stones flying and passengers gasping.
Finally, he finds an incline and the car coasts to a stop.
All three get out and, thanking their lucky stars, begin to
assess the situation.
"Oh," says the mechanical engineer, "the brake lines are
leaking - lets patch the hole, bleed the brakes and be on
our way."
The systems engineer said, "Maybe we should consult with the
manufacturer and the dealer to ensure that is really the
problem."
The software engineer said, "Why don't we get back in and
see if it happens again?"